Traveling with Friends: How to Avoid Disaster

A couple of years in the past, one night time over dinner with some buddies with whom I shared a love of connoisseur meals, sushi, nice cocktails, politics, and films, we realized that in all of the years we’d recognized one another, we had by no means taken a visit collectively.

As all of us had plenty of factors and miles saved, we thought of how enjoyable it might be to go someplace spontaneously.

“Let’s do it,” all of us declared. So we discovered award tickets to Hong Kong for the next week.

Midway around the globe, we arrived at our lodge late within the night. After a late dinner, we went again to the lodge, the place I made a decision to fall asleep. As enjoyable as Hong Kong is at night time (and it is extremely wild), I needed to attempt to alter to the native time zone, so I might take advantage of the remainder of our journey.

My buddies had different concepts: they had been going to get together. So I mentioned good night time and off they went.

Once I awakened, it was nonetheless darkish out. I regarded on the time. It was 5:30am. I discovered two of my buddies asleep; the third was apparently nonetheless out partying.

Letting them relaxation, I acquired prepared and headed out to benefit from the metropolis earlier than the commuters rose and it turned a maelstrom of noise, chaos, and crowds. Hong Kong is considered one of my favourite cities, and I really like its peaceable calm within the morning. It’s all grandmothers and grandfathers out for walks, doing tai chi in parks, and consuming dim sum.

With a lot to do (and eat), I didn’t need to waste any time. After an early breakfast of dim sum, I wandered round, grabbed some tea, learn a guide, and took pictures of empty streets.

It was noon after I lastly heard from my buddies. We met for lunch at a noodle store and plotted our day.

Earlier than we booked our journey, I had requested them what they needed to do. Figuring out them, I knew it might contain fancy dinners (Hong Kong has some actually high-quality eating), however I emphasised that as a backpacker at coronary heart, what I actually love are hole-in-the-wall eating places, low-cost actions, wandering round, and simply having fun with the day-to-day lifetime of a spot.

“No downside,” they mentioned. They had been vacationers too, they usually additionally needed to get under the floor. The concept of dim sum, markets, and enjoyable native bars appealed to them as a lot because it did to me.

However that was not what occurred.

My buddies stayed out late partying each night time, slept in late, solely needed to eat at costly eating places, and didn’t need to do any sightseeing.

As the times ticked by, we had been like ships within the night time. Outdoors a couple of dinners, I didn’t see an excessive amount of of them. However, getting used to touring alone, that was high-quality with me. I could make my very own enjoyable. However it was disappointing to not have time with my buddies. It defeated the aim of the journey.

On the best way again to the airport, they talked about doing all of it once more sometime. However not me. I assumed to myself, “We’re by no means doing this once more.”

The journey taught me that, whereas folks would possibly like a sure journey type in idea, the fact is commonly very completely different. In actual fact, through the years, I’ve traveled with many buddies who’ve utterly completely different types than I do.

As Mark Twain mentioned, “I’ve came upon there ain’t no surer solution to discover out whether or not you want folks or hate them than to journey with them.” I couldn’t agree extra. It’s vital to be cautious when touring with anybody, even your closest buddies. It’s a really private expertise, and also you’re going to need to be certain their type matches yours.

After many profitable — and never so profitable — journeys with buddies (a few of whom I rely as my closest), I’ve come up an inventory of questions that I believe are vital to ask folks (in fact, you understand your mates, however I’ve discovered this nonetheless useful):

• What actions do you need to do?
• I like [activity]. I’ll in all probability see/do plenty of this/these on our journey. Would you include me?
• How do you’re feeling about [activity]?
• Are you okay doing issues alone, or do you need to do the whole lot collectively?
• I don’t eat lots of costly meals on the highway. How do you’re feeling about that?
• Are you okay with consuming avenue meals?
• I prefer to be out the door by 9am every morning. Do you? (Or: I’m an evening individual. Are you okay with a late begin?)
• Do you intend to remain out late?

It’s high-quality when you all aren’t on the identical web page, as long as you might be comfy with spending time aside. In case you have completely different journey types however aren’t okay being an unbiased traveler (or vice versa), that’s going to trigger an issue. I’ve had loads of journeys with buddies the place we solely overlap on some stuff, however that was not an issue. Nobody cared when any of us went off to do our personal stuff, and it gave us issues to speak about once we got here again collectively later.

The extra journeys I’ve taken with buddies, the extra I’ve gotten smarter about which I take journeys with. However generally you simply by no means know forward of time. What folks say and what they do might be two various things. They could say they need to journey the identical manner or do the identical issues — and then you definately get on the highway and it’s the alternative.

However, ever since that large spontaneous journey with buddies, I’ve discovered that asking the precise questions prematurely can actually scale back the chance that you simply’ll run into these sorts of conflicts.

Use my listing — or provide you with your personal — however don’t go on a visit with a good friend who isn’t at the very least 60% aligned together with your type and pursuits!